goal sisters

The Latest News, Views, and Gurus
Vol. 2, No. 6

Happy October, Sisters (and Brothers)!

How are you? We’ve missed dropping into your inbox every month!

Our lives continue to be full. Last quarter, with the support and nudging of our Goal Sisters, Ann increased her strength training routine to 3x a week, met a long term goal of finding new living room furniture, and s t r e t c h e d herself to create a piece for a local art show! Meanwhile, Michelle played and relaxed with her husband, friends, children, parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, niece, and nephews throughout July and August. She also completed two final reports and cleared out closet clutter in September. How about you? What are you feeling proud of recently accomplishing and initiating?

* * Q & A * *

Because many of you have e-mailed or approached us with questions about the book, we thought we’d provide the answers here.

How’s the book doing?

It’s not a run-away bestseller nor is it out-of-print. It’s somewhere in-between, which the book biz folks call “backlisted.” We continue to receive e-mails from women “discovering” the book, especially when Goal Sisters is featured in the US national press. That's still a thrill for us!

Are you doing book signings?

Not recently. We’re marketing the book primarily through our Web site www.goalsisters.com and word of mouth.

Any plans to write a sequel?

Nope. Ann is shopping around her own book proposal and Michelle is content for now to write in her journal.

* * ATTENTION-GRABBING GURUS * *

This quarter’s guru is Anthony DeMello, author of "Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality." If you’re struggling with your Spirituality Goals, DeMello’s book may provide a needed wake up call! He describes four steps to waking up to reality: 1) get in touch with your negative feelings that you’re not aware of, 2) understand that the feelings are in you, not in reality, 3) never identify with these feelings, and 4) change something about yourself. Many people get to the fourth step and stumble. Why? Here’s DeMello’s answer:

Imagine a patient who goes to a doctor and tells him what he is suffering from. The doctor says, “Very well, I’ve understood your symptoms. Do you know what I will do? I will prescribe a medicine for your neighbor!” The patient replies, “Thank you very much, Doctor, that makes me feel much better.” Isn’t that absurd? But that’s what we all do. The person who is asleep always thinks he’ll feel better if someone else changes. You’re suffering because you’re asleep, but you’re thinking, “How wonderful life would be if somebody else would change; how wonderful life would be if my neighbor changed, my wife changed, my boss changed.” We always want someone else to change so that we will feel good. But has it ever struck you that even if your wife changes or your husband changes, what does that do to you? You’re just as vulnerable as before; you’re just as idiotic as before; you’re just as asleep as before. You are the one who needs to change, who needs to take the medicine.

Sage advice, indeed! If only it were easy to put into practice.

* * ACTIVITY: WAKE UP, SISTERS! * *

Want some help taking the first step to waking up? Try this exercise with your Goal Sister to see what kinds of alarms go off for you!

1. Over the next 3 days, pay attention to the negative feelings you have about other people and situations. At the end of each day, take 30 minutes or less to write down the negative feelings you had during that day. For example, I got angry when the salesman didn’t return my phone call. I was frustrated because I had to attend a last minute meeting and couldn’t exercise this afternoon. I was offended when a driver didn’t thank me for letting her cut in my lane. Whatever happened, give your journal a piece of your mind by writing down the negative feelings you experienced because of another person or situation.

2. On the 4th day, review your journal entries of the past 3 days. Do so with kindness and without criticism. What do you notice about your responses to these people and situations? Is the problem usually someone else’s fault? What is your side of the situation or problem? Is it that you have certain expectations of others? Is it that your priorities are out of balance? Is it that your self-esteem is vulnerable? Could you be projecting negative feelings about yourself onto others? Give yourself time to reflect and write down any insights you have.

3. Within a day or so, contact your Goal Sister and share your experiences. Ask each other for honest feedback. Whether you read DeMello’s book and discuss its relevance to your life, do exercises together from the Goal Sisters book, or use other self-help programs, commit to supporting each other and keeping each other accountable in taking the next steps with your Spirituality goals.

* * ANN'S STORY * *

Due to the wrath of Hurricane Katrina a lot of agencies are urging businesses and organizations to create a disaster relief plan. They are encouraged to map out escape routes, communicate the plan to others in advance, and practice the plan at regular intervals. That got me thinking about my 'relief plan.'

I started with creating my 'escape route;' the ways I could add more relaxation to my life, when I got a little stressed. Those ways have included such steps as actually turning on that tabletop water fountain and letting the sound of water soothe me, walking a new in-town labyrinth, jumping into the pool at the Y, and turning off the phone.

Next came the need to communicate that plan to others. Telling a magazine editor or book editing client, 'Sorry, I'll be unavailable at that time' during high stress deadlines became easier and easier. I found that simply and clearly stating my boundaries and limits (in a pleasant way) was appreciated by those who wanted my time but also wanted to respect my work.

Then I had to practice the plan. That part is really fun! I build in regular times for stress relief. Swimming four days a week, leaving the phone off until 8:30 a.m., and keeping that fountain on are ways I regularly relax. Each of these acts reminds me that I have a choice in how I approach my day and my responsibilities. The result? I am more focused and peaceful, recharged and renewed.

How about your plan? Do you have one? Or do you find yourself in a state of overwhelm and confusion on a regular basis? Start now to create your escape route. Talk to your Goal Sister about your choices and seek her support in helping you communicate the plan to others and putting it into practice. You'll be glad you did!

* * GOAL SISTERS HAPPENINGS * *

Not only have we been accomplishing our goals, so have many of our Sisters:

Check out the latest news about the Joplin MO and Oahu HI Goal Sister groups at www.goalsisters.com/bio.htm. Send us your GS group updates via newsletter@goalsisters.com.

If you live or work near Joplin MO, stop by the grand opening of A-More’ Cooking Center on October 15th. Our GS, Michelle J, is the creator and owner of this awesome business! Find out more at www.amorecookingcenter.com.

How do you celebrate your father’s determination to recover from polio and his unique gift to the community? By writing a book about it! That’s what our fellow New World Library author and Honorary GS, Georja Skinner, did! Her new book, “The Christmas House” will be in stores soon and is showcased online at www.christmashouseonline.com/Home.

That’s it for now. As always, we love to hear from you regarding your progress, your stumbling blocks, and your successes. Take good care.

Onward and upward,
Ann and Michelle

P.S. Please forward this newsletter to all the women you know who are ready to amp up the fun and focus in their friendships while transforming themselves and their lives! Thanks!!

Copyright © 2005 by Michelle Beaulieu Pillen, Ph.D., and Ann Leach. All rights reserved. No part of this Web site may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise.
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